Pride and Promise!

It is pride month and the Episcopal Church is full of rainbows and banners celebrating our LGBTQIA siblings as beloved children of God. Pride, we explain is not the same as the sin of pride that Scripture repeatedly warns us about, but a healthy outlook, a rejoicing in the way God has created all persons to be. 

Yet in our celebration of all things LGBTQIA, I do have to ask myself; what is it we want for our beloved siblings?

The God we believe in and serve loves and welcomes all persons into fellowship with him! He accepts us exactly how we are! Yet, we well know that, acceptance is not certificate of completeness or perfection! All humans are imperfect, in need of healing, restoration and change! God’s character and his great love demand it! He receives us and changes us to the very best that we can be! He disciplines and  “corrects” us so that we can be participants in his glory!

If you want to be a Christian, prepare, because change is inevitable! 

These are the words of the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians some of which were certainly LGBTQIA : 

“such were some of you. But, you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and the Spirit of our God."

Are we prepared to be truthful to those in the LGBTQIA community that are part of our church family or feel drawn to it by our invitation and support? Are we prepared to say that following Jesus is less about pride and much more about humility? That sometimes it entails taking up our cross to follow him? That often the things we think most valuable about ourselves are precisely those God wants to mold, change or maybe have us give up altogether? 

Can we be sincere in saying that when a person comes to Christ a new identity comes into being, where “old things pass away and there is a new creation”?  Can we be candid in explaining that; as we “put on Christ” in baptism, relationship with God, being children of God, becomes the primary identity of a Christian, above race, nationality, status and even gender?

I would hope so! It is what Christians know to be true! 

God is faithful, what he has begun in each of us he has promised to bring unto completion,  St. Paul claims that it is until each of us has come to the measure of Christ….that is quite a tall order.

Of course a question which would be in the mind of all, specially those who have been persecuted because of their sexual orientation, is whether God finds it sinful? Whether being a Christian means attempting to deny their deepest feelings? and if it were possible change who they love?  

As a physician, I do not think sexual orientation can be changed! As a Christian and a priest, I do not think that it is any different from heterosexuality.

What I do know is that no matter whom you love, God will certainly change HOW you love!   

Human love tends to be conditional, selfish and imperfect, often temporary. When it comes to sexuality, we can be led by our desire for intimacy, to people and places sure to hurt us!

I have had the opportunity over many years in my profession and ministry to see the results of this! People who, looking for love, ended up feeling used and abandoned, going from one hook up to the next, with an STD, overusing drugs and alcohol in an attempt to fit in , or stuck in relationships that were hurtful and abusive.

LGBTQIA persons are not exempt from any of that! 

As we celebrate the love God has for each person, we have to be sensitive to those who may be struggling with the effects of sin or tied to behaviors or relationship patterns that are destructive! These things hinder us  from becoming the person God has destined us to be!  

Christians have to be able to lovingly, without judgement, point out that for all of us , God wants better!

Just like for the heterosexual, there may be different paths to holiness for Christians who are LGBTQIA! For some there may be marriage to a same or opposite gender spouse, mixed orientation marriages although difficult, do occur!  For others celibacy or committed friendships might be the path God chooses!    

The Episcopal Church’s To Set Our Hope In Christ, written as response to the Windsor report, reminds us of the qualities that, for Christians, make LGBTQIA and all relationships holy:

“…Exclusive, life-long, unions of fidelity and care for each other have been experienced as holy. These unions have evidenced the fruit of the Holy Spirit: “joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22- 23). More specifically, members of our congregations have seen the fruit of such unions as sanctifying human lives by deepening mutual love and by drawing persons together in fidelity and in service to the world….”

It goes further by comparing these holy relationships to prevailing patterns in our world:

Their holiness stands in stark contrast with many sinful patterns of sexuality in the world. As a report to the Lambeth Conference of 1998 stated very well: Clearly some expressions of sexuality are inherently contrary to the Christian way and are sinful. Such unacceptable expressions of sexuality include promiscuity, prostitution, incest, pornography, pedophilia, predatory sexual behavior, and sadomasochism (all of which may be heterosexual or homosexual), adultery, violence against women and in families, rape … From a Christian perspective these forms of sexual expression remain sinful in any context.

May we celebrate pride along our LGBTQIA siblings, and continue to strive for a world where there is equality for all, where none have to hide or pretend to be different that how God has created them!

May we point those outside the church or far from God to the arms of Christ, who loves all persons and who has a life better that any of us have imagined. 

May we be allies, friends, prayer partners, as people are led to the life of holiness God has set for them!

May we remember that celebration of who we are is but the beginning, that there is a promised becoming that will be revealed, when Christ has come!  

What do we want for our LGBTQIA siblings…nothing but God’s best!

Blessings

Seraph

Christian Marriage; Jesus and General Convention!

                             

QUESTION FROM THE DIOCESE OF FLORIDA MEET AND GREET

Marriage was not invented by Christ  and we have no credible evidence that he himself was married. However, he gave a very specific meaning and significance to marriage which any conversation about the theology of Christian marriage has to seriously consider. 

Christian marriage is first and foremost defined by the words of the Lord Christ as we find them recorded in the gospels and the later teaching of his apostles

Matthew 19: 3-6, Mark 10:6-9: 

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and, ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh"

The apostle Paul makes the same reference in his discussion about marriage in Ephesians 5:28-32 

“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

Here are the pertinent verses in Genesis:

Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God.  male and female He created them.  Then God blessed them"

Genesis 2:23-24 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."

It is from these simple verses, the creation story, Christ’s explicit reference to it, and the Apostle’s teaching in the New Testament, that we begin the conversation about what Christian marriage means! We must begin with what marriage meant to Christ!

In congruency with these words the Book of Common Prayer reads; …

"The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation" It signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and his Church, Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God's will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord"

Here are some simple ideas as to the purposes of marriage found in Scripture:

Marriage is for companionship: Genesis 2:18  "And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."

 

Marriage is for children: Genesis1:27-28  "God created man in His own image; male and female He created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply" 

 Marriage is for Sex:  1 Corinthians 7:14-15 "...Each man should have sexual relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband...."

Marriage is for Holiness:  1 Peter 3:7 " Husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.", Ephesians 5:21 "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." 

Marriage is for life:  Matthew 19:4-6 "...They are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." 

 

Marriage in our society is evolving! In 2015 the US Supreme Court granted equal access to marriage to same-sex couples! It was Justice Kennedy who said in that case…"They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law," "The Constitution grants them that right." 

I and most Episcopalians agree with this! People in society have the right to regularize, protect, and solemnize their relationships with the person they love! 

In the same year, following the US Supreme Court decision. the Episcopal Church's General Convention approved the trial-use liturgies for marriage that made it possible for same-sex couples to wed in the Episcopal Church, and in 2018 made it possible for any couple civilly able to marry to do so in any diocese of TEC.  

Christ spoke of marriage as a covenant between a man and a woman, a husband and a wife! 

Our General Convention has made a “clear decision” that Christian marriage can be a covenant between two people irrespective of gender! It is a complicated place to be! 

There is of course the rejoicing that our LGBTQIA siblings are able to legally recognize their relationships in civil society and have access to the sacraments and blessing of the church in their committed unions! Yet there are the clear words of Christ that define the particular relationship we call marriage in the church!

Perhaps we lack the language, or the theology, and lump human relationships into one neat box considering only common elements, over their uniqueness! Same-gender and opposite-gender relationships have love as a common element but have demarcated differences some of which are biologically based. 

Perhaps there is an implicit bias in the way we look at human relationships, a push to heteronormativity, where relationships have to fit into a particular mold in order for us to think of them as blessed…so it has to be marriage or bust! 

Can we as Christians and Episcopalians live and minister in the same Church while holding diverging convictions about the sacrament of marriage? 

Our polity urges us to, but whether we can do so and mutually flourish, only time will tell!

Blessings

Seraph

Happenstance or Homophobia...?

I could not help but laugh at this confluence of signs in an Atlanta street. It is either an unfortunate coincidence, a funny happenstance, evidence of a problem or lack of cultural sensitivity. I wonder if any gay men go to that church? Or anyone who saw that Al Pacino movie...????

Okay guys...come to church here but...no cruising.  

Blessings

Seraph

Save Our Children!!!

I was just graduating from high school when Anita Bryant became a household word in Florida! The one time beauty queen, celebrity and devout member of Northeast Baptist Church became the icon of opposition to a January 18, 1977 law that would outlaw discrimination against homosexuals in employment, housing, and public services in Dade County, Florida.

Under the banner of "Save Our Children", supposedly from exposure to immorality and homosexual recruitment, Anita and others, led a campaign that presented gays as a veritable danger to society. A special election in June of 1978 saw, a very heavy turnout in Dade county, an overwhelming defeat of the ordinance, and a setback to equal treatment under the law for gays and lesbians in our state. 

I was at home, with family visiting from Miami, when the results were announced! Most rejoiced, others heard the results with concern.  It is reported that Anita danced a jig when she heard the results of her efforts and said:

 "All America and all the world will hear what the people have said, and with God's continued help, we will prevail in our fight to repeal similar laws throughout the nation which attempt to legitimize a life style that is both perverse and dangerous".

For me, the elation of some over such victory, seemed totally wrong then, even as it does now! 

How was it a victory for children or society to allow the discrimination of people to exist? Why would God be on the side of letting people be at the mercy of the prejudices of others? Wasn't Jesus always on the side of those society deemed less worthy? How was this repeal of fundamental protections Christian in any sense of the word? 

Time has shown that these ideas, along with their misrepresentation of God, have not prevailed! Today, as gay couples are granted the right to civil marriage in the state of Florida, I welcome it with a sense of peace.

"Save the Children" , the slogan so misused years ago, perhaps better characterizes the days ahead! 

I look forward to a future where all children are saved, from hatred, discrimination, exclusion, and where religion is not used as a tool to oppress and demonize persons created in the image of God!

Blessings

Seraph

Ex Gay Apologies...

Yesterday, another ex-gay minister issued apologies for the heartbreak and deep emotional pain that , for years, he feels he caused members of the gay community by telling them a change in sexual orientation was possible.  He describes the disappointment felt by many of those he counseled, self-destructive behaviors,  guilt and to make it all worse the condemnation from some in the church!

Okay I get it! Sexual orientation is not something you can change like changing a channel! That this ever was a question is surprising! People like him and others, who gave testimony of life changes, prayed and counseled others, and who began ministries such as Exodus, should have been more cautious with their claims, more transparent with their own struggles. Yet, as he speaks of the harm that he and other ex-gay ministers have caused, I can not help but wonder at their sense of self importance!

In over twenty years of listening to, treating patients and praying with people as a friend, counselor, physician and priest of a progressive outlook, I have encountered perhaps a handful of people disappointed or hurt by  a sexual orientation which was not changed by prayer or counseling! These numbers pale in comparison with the many which I have cared for, suffering from the stigma of HIV, the emotional pain of  unfaithfulness in a relationship, STD’s, the ravages of AIDS, depression, substance abuse and a general disillusionment all too common with humans.  Even among the out and proud, I have friends, now approaching their fifties, who live their lives lonely after serial attempts at relationships and a host of one night stands which have not helped their longing for love, ex gay ministries notwithstanding!

“The problem is the way we treat each other”, are the words from a longtime friend.  Another speaks of the lack of commitment of the many men he has allowed into his life; “It is not worth trying anymore…”. 

On a reflective note a dear friend, single, professional, successful in many areas of his life, says of an aspect of the male gay culture, as he has experienced it ; “…You have to be young, good looking, have money and be hung”. That is fine and dandy except for when you are aging, overweight and struggling with the realities of being human, of illness or loss! 

The Cuban author Reynaldo Arenas, poet and outspoken critic of the Castro regime gives a powerful witness of his own life as a gay man in Cuba and the United States.  “Homosexuality is not monogamous” , he states in his famous memoir Before the Night Falls.  This was true in his particular experience, but it does seem to mirror the experience of others and what statistics show to be true , even in committed gay male couples. Perhaps, the saddest and most telling portion of the book is the account of a visit to a bathroom frequented by gay men in search of sex. Of the experience, then forty-sh Reynaldo writes; "No one gave me a second look, no one noticed me, I was no longer desirable, I was old...". That will work for some people just fine, but for many others...not so much!    

I am sure we all have friends who have balanced, wholesome, stable lives while gay: married, partnered, single and a few in a relationship with an opposite gender mate!  Their stories are inspiring and remind us that faith, love , commitment , joy and success are not exclusive to certain society approved heterosexual relationships. However we would be remiss not to tell the whole story! 

It is not the joy of being gay and out that drove many people to Exodus and like ministries! It was the pain, rejection, despair of life in the fast lane, their search for acceptance in a  culture which very often  favors youth, beauty and distraction! 
  

Perhaps, as Christians feel the need to repent or apologize, we should encourage others to do so as well! Maybe the owners of gay bars and bathhouses, not always therapeutic environments! Certainly the publishers and writers of gay magazines which seem to promote a careless attitude towards sex, no better than their heterosexual counterparts! Perhaps those, who rightly tell younger people that “it gets better”, should also apologize for not warning that it could get worse! 

Call me insensitive but, most of the suffering in the gay community does not seem to have been inflicted by ministries like Exodus, there is enough culpability to go around!  I have never seen a person die from too much prayer, Bible reading, fellowship with people of faith, but I have seen plenty of young men full of life, sicken, some die, from embracing the myth of a “gay life” devoid of consequences! 

Then again, maybe its about time we get off the whole apology bandwagon and be bolder about the love of God! Sexual orientation change not promised, but a life of fulness, faith and integrity not dictated or limited by  the labels of the day is part of the heritage and promise of our faith! After all, the Good Book does say that people, gay or straight, if united to Christ are a "new creation", something beyond the understandings and rigid rules of this world! 

Now is the time to more consistently teach our children, some of which may be gay, about the love of God, their inherent dignity as human persons, the value of their bodies! Perhaps we should do much more to teach and encourage young people to aspire to chastity, true friendships and long lasting love! Despite all the things Christians may do wrong these are things they surely can do right with the help of God! There is no need to apologize about that!

Blessings

Seraph